How NOT to Communicate in a Job Interview: A Field Guide to Unemployment

Job interviews are weird.

They’re part sales pitch, part therapy session, part hostage negotiation. It’s your moment to convince a stranger that you’re competent, stable, and not secretly a menace to the workplace.

Unfortunately, some people show up with the communication skills of a damp sponge and proceed to sabotage themselves with Olympic-level enthusiasm.

If you’d like to avoid joining the long, proud line of “We’ll be in touch” casualties, here’s NATV’s guide on how not to communicate in a job interview.

Turning Every Answer Into a Buzzword Smoothie

Corporate jargon is useful… in small doses.

But some people blend it into a verbal smoothie so thick it needs a shovel, not a straw.

If you answer,

“I strategically leveraged cross-functional synergies to maximize scalable paradigms…”

…you’ve basically said:

“I have no idea what I’m talking about, but I heard everyone else say these words.”

The interviewer isn’t impressed.

They’re just mentally Googling your nonsense.

Treating the Interview Like a Stand-Up Comedy Set

Humor is great—until you become the class clown of Corporate America.

Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

You: “Alive, hopefully! Haha!”

They laugh… politely.

Then they write: Cannot take direction. Possible liability.

You’re not auditioning for Netflix.

Save the bit for after you’re hired.

Sharing Personal Stories That Have Zero Relevance

If you’re asked about leadership, the correct answer is NOT:

“Well, once I convinced my drunk friends to follow me to a taco truck at 2 a.m.—so that was leadership, right?”

Sir, this is a bank.

Stay relevant, or risk making the interviewer feel like they’ve accidentally wandered into your autobiography.

Oversharing Like You’re on a Reality Show

There’s honesty…

And then there’s “you should not have said that.”

Interviewer: “Why did you leave your last job?”

You: “My manager was a narcissistic gremlin and I almost flipped a table.”

Honest? Yes.

Helpful? Absolutely not.

Concerning? Also yes.

We love transparency, but maybe not the “I fled the scene before committing a felony” variety.

Giving One-Word Answers Like You’re Being Interrogated

Interviews require conversation—not Morse code.

Interviewer: “Tell me about your teamwork experience.”

You: “Yeah.”

Incredible.

Inspirational.

Zero information provided.

You’ve told them nothing, but somehow everything.

Using Filler Words Until You Sound Like a Broken Record

Nerves happen.

But if you sound like this:

“So, um, I like, um, think that I, um, could um, do the job…”

They’re going to assume your brain is still loading.

Take a breath.

Pause.

Speak like a human being, not a buffering video.

Asking Wildly Inappropriate Questions

Your turn to ask questions is NOT the moment to test boundaries.

Do NOT ask:

• “How strict are you about being on time?”

• “Can I nap at my desk?”

• “Do you drug test? Just wondering.”

• “Is the CEO actually competent or just the mascot?”

Congratulations, you’ve earned an express ticket back to Indeed.com.

Acting Like You’re Doing Them a Favor by Showing Up

Confidence is good.

Arrogance is unemployment.

Interviewer: “Why do you want to work here?”

You: “Want? I don’t want to. But you need me.”

They do not.

What they need is security to escort you out.

Forgetting to Listen Because You’re Too Busy Talking

Interviews are NOT monologues.

If they ask,

“How do you handle pressure?”

…and you respond with a story about rescuing a squirrel,

They will assume you cannot hear, cannot focus, or cannot function.

Listen. Process. Then speak.

Final Word: Don’t Turn Your Interview Into a Sitcom

Your goal is simple:

• Communicate clearly.

• Show competence.

• Avoid telling stories that involve tequila, ex-coworkers, or police reports.

Interviews don’t require perfection — just basic human communication.

Follow these rules and you won’t end up starring in Unemployed: The Series.